Can i not drive my cunt home
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
