Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
