and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
