The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
