Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
