So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize