why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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