I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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