My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize