ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
