Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
