So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
