Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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