I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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