she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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