I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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