he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Im part way to drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
