you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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