all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
