One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
