my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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