my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
