Umm I'm too high to move.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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