i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
