My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
