Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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