Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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