I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
