So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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