Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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