Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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