How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
