I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
