all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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