If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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