just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She bit a glass in half.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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