What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
