If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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