So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
