Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
