And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
