i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
