I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
