I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
