I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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