She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
