I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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