umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
