This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
