I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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