Whod you bang
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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