Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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