Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
there is glitter all over my balls
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