You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
