The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
