He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
