Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
