Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
