no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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