he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
