Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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