I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
