when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
