Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
