anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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