I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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