Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
