I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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