I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
